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Well, I think I knew this was going to happen, but it still doesn’t make it hurt any less. We have Grown Apart and we have filled our lives with others to the point that there was no room for either one of us. I know you still love me and I still love you too. And people say that that should make it hurt less but it doesn’t. If anything it hurts worse. We have both tried so hard, and put so much effort into trying to make this work. But it didn’t. The way you looked at me today so sad, when you said you realized that more of this was your fault and you had thought. It broke my heart and it should have made me feel a little less hurt. But it didn’t. I really hope we can still be friends but I don’t know if we can. We don’t know what being friends is all we have ever done is be lovers.

All I want to do right now is self destruct. all the booze all the drugs, all the nameless people. anything to make the hurt be less, but it won’t

We agreed that we were both unhappy for a while, and that should have made all of this hurt less, but it didn’t. Because this hurt is worse than the unhappy that I had been feeling towards you. I know logically that this is the best thing for us, and that should make all of this hurt less, but it doesn’t.

I really hope everything works out in the end, and you are happy, and I am happy with how things turn out. I will just keep telling myself that this is the best thing for everyone, And I really hope it is. I hope the things aren’t awkward when we’re at the same events, and when you see me there it will look like everything is okay, but it isn’t.¬† I hope that this hurt will heal , and not into resentment¬† and hatred. There will be so many things that just won’t be the same. Things that we had planned to do together that I will still do. I will just do them alone.

I don’t want to lose you but this hurt I feel tells me I have.

Maybe one day in the future things will change. But for now there is just the hurt of losing you.

Good bye…

I will miss you…

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