Category: Uncategorized

Well, I think I knew this was going to happen, but it still doesn’t make it hurt any less. We have Grown Apart and we have filled our lives with others to the point that there was no room for either one of us. I know you still love me and I still love you too. And people say that that should make it hurt less but it doesn’t. If anything it hurts worse. We have both tried so hard, and put so much effort into trying to make this work. But it didn’t. The way you looked at me today so sad, when you said you realized that more of this was your fault and you had thought. It broke my heart and it should have made me feel a little less hurt. But it didn’t. I really hope we can still be friends but I don’t know if we can. We don’t know what being friends is all we have ever done is be lovers.

All I want to do right now is self destruct. all the booze all the drugs, all the nameless people. anything to make the hurt be less, but it won’t

We agreed that we were both unhappy for a while, and that should have made all of this hurt less, but it didn’t. Because this hurt is worse than the unhappy that I had been feeling towards you. I know logically that this is the best thing for us, and that should make all of this hurt less, but it doesn’t.

I really hope everything works out in the end, and you are happy, and I am happy with how things turn out. I will just keep telling myself that this is the best thing for everyone, And I really hope it is. I hope the things aren’t awkward when we’re at the same events, and when you see me there it will look like everything is okay, but it isn’t.  I hope that this hurt will heal , and not into resentment  and hatred. There will be so many things that just won’t be the same. Things that we had planned to do together that I will still do. I will just do them alone.

I don’t want to lose you but this hurt I feel tells me I have.

Maybe one day in the future things will change. But for now there is just the hurt of losing you.

Good bye…

I will miss you…

1. I dreamt of you. For the first time in a long time. Maybe because you’ve been re introduced to my feelings again. I could feel what our love use to be like. Not the kind we shared when our skin was pressed together. But more when we would sip something on ice and I would dream of growing old together. The kind of love that controlled my thoughts entirely. Where words inside of whispers were strong enough to make waves. This kind of love was so strong that you could be anywhere and feel it. You could be laying on a floor together and no matter where that floor was located or how dirty it may be. You didn’t see the floor. Or the surrounding walls. All you could see was that person. That person that could make a dirty floor feel romantic, and that’s all I ever needed. It shook me awake and could still taste you on my lips. I felt some sort of sense of peace. But my mind still wonders.

There is nothing like waking up in the middle of the night. It is the worst! sound asleep and than BAM like a bomb in your head exploding, screaming! telling you something is wrong. I lay there trying to figure out what it is, and there is nothing. just the silence of my room. the darkness of the night. I wonder what profound thing was wondering through my head that could have jolted me from my slumber. was it a lost love reciprocating there lament? was it the answer to the meaning of life? or was it the last dyeing breath of someone I will never meet, crying out? I do not know. I want to know. I yearn to know. I sit up and check the time. and I realize that the thing that jolted me awake was the buzzer on the dryer telling me the load I put in was done.

I will fold it in the morning I tell myself as I lay back down pull the covers up around my neck and try to find sleep again.

There are times I feel like I am just the only person in this world. I wonder if there is ever anyone that feels the same as they wake up in the morning.  I know this too will pass as the day goes on. but some times it is hard as the sun comes up.